Monday, December 31, 2018

2018 White Collar Crime Awards

Each year this blog has honored individuals and organizations for their work in the white collar crime arena by bestowing "The Collar" on those who deserve praise, scorn, acknowledgment, blessing, curse, or whatever else might be appropriate. With the appropriate fanfare, and without further ado, The Collars for 2018:

The Collar for Plumber Unemployment – The Mueller Investigation, which has sprung no leaks.

The Collar for the Most Likely to Inadvertently Pull the Execution Switch on His Client – Rudy Giuliani.

The Collar for the Most Likely to Cause President Trump to have a Heart Attack – Tied between Michael Cohen and Paul Manafort.

The Collar for the Most Likely Agency to be Shut Down – No not the EPA or Department of Education, rather the IRS so that President Trump’s tax returns can’t be revealed.

The Collar for the Most Likely to Get a Second Tattoo on his back – Roger Stone (underneath his Nixon tattoo?).

The Collar for Most Likely to Try Not to Follow in his Father’s Footsteps – Jared Kushner.

The Collar for the Best Insurance Protection if in Prison – To Donald Trump, Jared Kushner, and others for passing a criminal justice reform act that will assist some serving time.

The Collar for Taking a Gamble – To all those pushing ahead with cases with dual sovereignty issues, prior to the Supreme Court’s ruling.

The Collar for the Longest Special Counsel Investigation – Clinton/Whitewater (see

The Collar for the Least Likely to Look Someone in the Eye and Say “You’re Fired” – Donald Trump.

The Collar for Most Likely to Win the Tom Petty “I Won’t Back Down Award” – Jeff Sessions for not firing Mueller.

The Collar for Least Likely to Teach Professional Responsibility at a Law School – Acting US Attorney Matthew Whitaker.

The Collar for the Joe Friday Award for Catching the Most Fish in his Net – Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

The Collar for the Least Likely to Discuss Politics in Bed – Kellyann Conway and George Conway.

The Collar for the Timex Watch “Takes a Licking and Keeps on Ticking” – Jeff Sessions.

The Collar for the Next James Patterson Mystery – The undisclosed company with a subpoena problem.

The Collar for the Least Likely to Play Poker with Mueller – William Barr and Matt Whitaker.

The Collar for Best “Stand Your Ground Defense” – Second Year in a Row, to Rod Rosenstein who continues to stand firmly on Mueller’s appointment.

The Collar for Clotheslines –Second Year in a Row, to Donald Trump for hanging so many of his subordinates out to dry.

The Collar for Directional Impairment – Second Year in a Row, to Donald Trump for demonstrating that loyalty is a one-way street.

The Collar for Best Game of Hide and Seek – To Donald Trump for continuing to refuse to disclose his tax returns (third year in a row).

The Collar for the Best Parent – Retired years ago and renamed the Bill Olis Best Parent Award – not awarded again this year since no one comes even close to Bill Olis, may he rest in peace.


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