appellate lawyers on the light side

So many appellate blogs are dedicated to case summaries, but some also provide great entertainment. Take, for example, the Texas State Bar Appellate Blog, which has posted the results of past contests for lyrics, haiku, and limericks (these must be fun people to hang out with).

The 2007 song winner is If I Only Had a Case (or Lament for Lack of Precedent), cleverly penned by Neil C. McCabe, of The O'Quinn Law Firm, in Houston, Texas. You'll enjoy it, I think:

(to the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain," by Harold Arlen)

I'd hypothesize for hours,
Build footnotes into towers,
Appellate fame I'd chase.
My chops I'd be a-lickin',
And accounts I'd be enrichin',
If I only had a case.

With analogies I'd fiddle,
From left or right or middle,
With totally straight face.
Inductions I'd be makin',
I could be Sir Francis Bacon,
If I only had a case.

Oh, I can't tell a lie,
I'd like to have much more,
Legislation, facts, and policy galore,
And then I'd stand,
And still hold forth.

I would not be just a plaintiff,
My tune would be less plaintive,
My brief not just a waste.
And perhaps I'd surprise you
With the things that I'd apprise you
If I only had a case.

(cmb)