Wednesday, March 2, 2022

Reconsidering the Implications of Togetherness As Couples Get Older

I have a fondness for California Rock & Roll from a certain era -- also known as my youth.  One of my favorites, Warren Zevon, is probably mostly remembered as a singer/songwriter, and he penned some great songs such as Hasten Down the Wind (performed by another favorite, Linda Ronstadt, who, like me was born next door to California in Arizona).  Some of his lyrics work equally well as poetry.  Right now I'm thinking to the opening lines to Reconsider Me, recorded and released by Zevon in 1987:   

If you're all alone

And you need someone

Call me up

And I'll come running

Reconsider me

Reconsider me

Those lines seem to echo in an article from the New York Times today, describing a trend among older singles -- they are willing to love again, but at least one half of the couple isn't willing to live together.  The article begins by describing a 78 year-old widow's friendship with a a widowed man that was turning romantic.   He wanted them to move into together.  She wasn't eager and she admits that his health woes were part of the concern.  She is quoted as saying "He was not in great shape."  Eventually, when he had surgery and needed recuperative care, she followed his directions and "using his funds, hired a live-in caregiver for him."  Once he recovered, they spent more time together.  

The NYT writer, Francine Russo, observes:

With greater longevity, the doubling of the divorce rate since the 1990s for people over 50 and evolving social norms, older people like Ms. Randall are increasingly re-partnering in various forms.  Cohabitation, for example, is more often replacing remarriage following divorce or widowhood, said Susan L. Brown, a sociologist at Bowling Green State University in Ohio.

 

These older adults are seeking (and finding) love, emotional support and an antidote to loneliness.  But many older women, in particular, fear that a romantic attachment in later life will shortly lead to full-time caregiving.

The New York Times article also echoes topics addressed in the article I linked to last week by Cahn, Huntingdon and Scott, Family Law for the One-Hundred Year Life.  For more from the Times, if you have a subscription, see Older Singles Have Found a New Wat to Partner Up:  Living Apart.  

 

 

https://lawprofessors.typepad.com/elder_law/2022/03/reconsidering-the-implications-of-togetherness-as-couples-get-older.html

Current Affairs, Dementia/Alzheimer’s, Elder Abuse/Guardianship/Conservatorship, Ethical Issues, Health Care/Long Term Care, Housing, Retirement | Permalink

Comments

Women should be wary of men looking for a nurse with a purse.

Posted by: Jennifer Young | Mar 4, 2022 1:36:38 PM

This is certainly a trend that has been playing out for some time. Entitlement to certain benefits of Widows and Widowers has been linked to not re-marrying. It's also quite understandable that some elderly singles prefer not to become a caregiver once again after one stint. Not solely for not wanting the responsibility, but also not wanting the heartbreak.

Posted by: T.L. Morson and Associates, PLLC | Mar 11, 2022 8:55:58 PM

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