Reframing your Thanksgiving

This last week was a whirlwind. I co-coached a moot court team at the NY Bar National Moot regionals, and my students won. I received some exciting professional news. And I lost a friend.

One day, my friend was shining her brilliant smile and support on everyone she met. The next she was gone.

In the midst of all of these events I found myself pondering the vicissitudes of life. While I was sitting in a room where we applauded our achievements, I was also sitting in grief. And I knew that the following week, we would be celebrating Thanksgiving. And I wondered how my friend's family was going to give thanks at a time like this.

But I know them, and I know they will. Despite her sudden loss, they will give thanks for her life. Despite their tears, they will find joy in their memories, and in her victories and their own. They will give thanks for each other. They will give thanks for her life and their own. Because of their faith and hers, they will be able to grieve and be thankful, together.

As attorneys, we often sit in grief and anxiety. Our jobs are hard. Our clients suffer, and we try to lift them up both as attorneys and as counselors. Opposing counsel can be hateful. Judges can rule in ways that hurt us and our clients. And our friends and families can grow to resent the time and attention our jobs require.

At the same time, as attorneys, we are blessed. We made it through a series of tests and trials that most people could not pass. As a result we have jobs that make a difference. We are able to help people who cannot help themselves. We are financially rewarded for our talent. We have colleagues that support us. We provide for our families and help them solve problems when they arise. We are problem solvers, communicators, writers, and speakers in a world that values those skills.

Those skills and training teach us that how we frame things changes how people see them. We know what to emphasize and what to de-emphasize in our writing. We know that our descriptive language will influence how our readers see the characters we write about. And we know that how we characterize the facts can impact how those characters are ultimately judged.

This training is reinforced by neuroscience. Tversky and Kahnemann were among the first scientists to study the framing effect. Their research, and studies since, show that how things are introduced or described influences the way we think about them. So we know that when marketing meat, consumers will choose ground beef that is "75% lean" over beef that is "25% fat," even though it is the same product. And in a study by Judge Stephanos Bibas, whether a criminal defendant will accept a plea bargain is influenced by whether they are currently incarcerated, since that changes their baseline perception of freedom.

The same is true with how we frame our lives. We each have our share of grief and joy. How we chose to focus in or frame our lives will influence how we perceive it. It can be hard, when the picture of lives seems mostly dim, to find the bright spots. But when we do, and we focus on them, everything else becomes a bit brighter.

In 2022, the ABA GPSolo Report published an article by Rebecca Howlett and Cynthia Sharp (of legalburnout.com), titled The Legal Burnout Solution: How to Improve Well-Being Through Gratitude. In that article they quote Robert A. Emmons, professor of psychology at the University of California Davis and a leading scientific expert on the science of gratitude, who notes that “The practice of gratitude . . . can lower blood pressure, improve immune function and facilitate more efficient sleep. Gratitude reduces lifetime risk for depression, anxiety and substance abuse disorders, and is a key resiliency factor in the prevention of suicide” (Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2007)).

The article gives several tips for cultivating gratitude, including journaling, breathing exercises, writing thank-you notes, and prayer and meditation. All of these exercises are intended to help us shift our thinking from dwelling on negatives to focusing on positive things. In doing so, you don't lessen the amount of work you need to do or the seriousness of your (or your client's) problems. But you do put those issues into perspective, and reframing your experiences, just like reframing the facts in a legal argument, has lasting impact.

Are you a religious person? Then most likely, your religion teaches the same thing. Jesus's sermon on the mount dealt extensively with anxiety and reframing difficulties, and Paul later wrote in Philippians 4:6 that Christians should "...not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." The Quran says in Surah 31:12 "Be grateful to Allah, for whoever is grateful, it is only for their own good." And many Buddhist practices, particularly in Shin Buddhism, focus on gratitude and start each morning giving thanks, even for the difficult things.

So this week, I'm trying to take my own advice and focus on things that are noble and good and true. The friends I've made and kept, and the joy of remembering those I have lost. The family I have left, and the legacy of those I have lost. The people I've helped and the good I have done, and the lessons learned from the cases I've lost and the mistakes I've made. And the time I have left, not the time I have wasted.

And I'm going to say "thank you" much more often. And as I try to think of people to say thank you to, I'm going to be thankful that the list is long. And growing longer every day.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for being who you are. Now, please, go give thanks of your own. Focus on the good. Reframe your experiences. And, in doing so, write yourself a better, and more thankful, story.

(Image credits: Library of Congress, Udo Keppler, Lawyers at least have plenty to be thankful for, Puck, v. 74, no. 1916 (1913 November 19), centerfold)