Monday, December 11, 2023

A Visit from ASP (with apologies to Clement Moore)

‘Twas the night before finals, and all through the house, only a law student was stirring and clicking a mouse[1];

Casebooks were stacked by the monitor with care, in hopes that the answers were hidden in there;

Most people were already snug in beds, while law students crammed adverse possession into their heads;

Professors and TAs were in for the night, knowing that grading was surely in sight;

The morning of exams would soon appear, and students would file into the test rooms with fear;

One last look at a study aid and search for a sign, perhaps one last perusal of their outline;

They’d sit and pray to the study aid masters, and hope to avoid essay question disasters;

Now Glannon, now Dressler, now Prosser and Keaton, On Erwin[2], on Crunchtime, on Answers and Questions[3]

To the top of the class! to the top of the curve!
Now write away! Write away! Write it with verve!;

On the first question, the students would start, to prove what they learned and that they are smart[4]

Working to IRAC each issue they spotted, students strived not to exceed the time they’re allotted;

After the essays they moved on to the multiple choice, reading the calls of the question and remembering their voice;[5]

The questions were tough from the facts to the answers, but they carefully read the qualifiers[6] and enhancers;

After weeks of studying, with no sleep or gym sessions, they were pale, tired, and lacking expression;

They said not a word as the proctors would scold, and worked hard until all of the test time had tolled;

When told to put their pens down, the students complied, they packed up their highlighters and other supplies;

But I heard them exclaim as they fled down the hall,

“So glad that’s it over, I gave it my all.”

Happy whatever-if anything-you celebrate in this season! I hope that your smaller and greater worlds are filled with peace and joy in the new year.

(Liz Stillman)


[1] Touchpad really doesn’t rhyme with anything…..

[2] With all due respect to Professor Chemerinsky, I could not find anything that rhymed with Chemerinsky either.

[3] Yes, I know I reversed it, but let’s call it artistic license….

[4] Remember, exams do not actually assess intelligence!!! Poetry is a harsh taskmaster.

[5] Remember, you can be a judge, an advocate, or a scholar on MCQs!!!

[6] With thanks to Ashley Cetnar for her MCQ tips last week!

Exams - Studying, Miscellany | Permalink


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