Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Posted by Jeff Lipshaw
Following up on my searing expose of the meaninglessness of "Super Awards," and those who alternatively (a) care about them because they think they signify achievement, or (b) care about them because they think anybody else thinks they signify achievement, it occurred to me that I have also received the award shown at left, albeit for managing to show up at the synagogue every Sunday night in the fall of 1999 for my offering to high school students on "Faith and Reason." I offer up this final definitive word on Super Awards, which really brings to the subject all the dignity and respect it deserves:
Wizard: Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the earth, or slinks through slimy seas has a brain! Back where I come from we have universities - seats of great learning - where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts, and with no more brains than you have. But - they have one thing you haven't got - a diploma! Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universita Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.
Wizard: Yeah - that - that's Dr. of Thinkology .
Scarecrow: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. Oh, joy! Rapture! I've got a brain! How can I ever thank you enough?