ContractsProf Blog

Three Cheers for Merchants!

I was just reading with great interest the spiffy new Commercial Law Blog when I came across a fascinating post on The Morality of Trade by Marie T. Reilly (pictured) that included this:

If merchants "were [ever] considered" no better than thieves, I say, consider who's doing the considering. The possibility of gains from trade in the hands of "merchants" was and is the key driver for social and economic mobility and the political instability that comes with it. Feudal lords had much to fear and loathe at the possibility that by trading among themselves serfs might drag themselves out of hunger and ignorance. And so too the Church. Trade is possible only when people assert property rights. Assertion and exploitation of property rights by political subordinates is the beginning of the end of a social order based on birthright and violence.

Stirring stuff.  But why does it seem so familiar?  Ah, yes, here's what it reminds me of:

The bourgeoisie, historically, has played a most revolutionary part.

The bourgeoisie, wherever it has got the upper hand, has put an end to all feudal, patriarchal, idyllic relations. It has pitilessly torn asunder the motley feudal ties that bound man to his "natural superiors", and has left no other nexus between people than naked self-interest, than callous "cash payment". It has drowned out the most heavenly ecstacies of religious fervor, of chivalrous enthusiasm, of philistine sentimentalism, in the icy water of egotistical calculation. It has resolved personal worth into exchange value, and in place of the numberless indefeasible chartered freedoms, has set up that single, unconscionable freedom -- Free Trade. . . .

The bourgeoisie has disclosed how it came to pass that the brutal display of vigor in the Middle Ages, which reactionaries so much admire, found its fitting complement in the most slothful indolence. It has been the first to show what man's activity can bring about. It has accomplished wonders far surpassing Egyptian pyramids, Roman aqueducts, and Gothic cathedrals; it has conducted expeditions that put in the shade all former exoduses of nations and crusades.

What great 19th-century thinker is Mary T. Reilly channeling (find out below the break)?

Yup, that's right.  Karl Marx!  It's from The Communist Manifesto.

Now I'm not saying that we here at the Contracts Profs Blog don't enjoy a little competition from our friends and colleagues over at the Commercial Law Blog.  I'm just saying they're a bunch of godless commies.

[Jeremy Telman]

Radio Clips: Groucho on Alternative Defenses

     Waldorf T. Flywheel: Any mail this morning?
    Miss Dimple:  Yes, there's a letter from the typewriter company. They say you haven't paid for the typewriter yet.
    Flywheel:  Why should I pay for the typewriter? You're the only who uses it.
    Dimple:  But Mr. Flywheel, I --
    Flywheel:  Never mind, take a letter to those cheap chiselers. Ah . . . Gentlemen . . . I never ordered that typewriter . . . If I did, you didn't send it . . . If you sent it, I never got it . . . If I got it, I paid for it . . . And if I didn't, I won't. Best regards.

                 "Flywheel Shyster & Flywheel"
                 Esso Five Star Theater, Feb. 13, 1933

Lawyer Malpractice: The Operetta

Lawyer-client disputes in the U.S. often get nasty.  They do things in better style in the world of operetta.  The following is from Die Fledermaus, by Johann Strauss, Jr., libretto by Carl Haffner & Richard Genée.

In the scene, Eisenstein -is meeting with his lawyer, Blind, and his inamorata, Rosalinde.  Eisenstein is furious that Blind, hired to defend him, actually managed to get his sentence increased.

EISENSTEIN
No, with advocates like this
One is sold short and betrayed,
Making one lose patience.

ROSALINDE
Just be patient!

BLIND
Just patience!

EISENSTEIN
Instead of the matter being over,
It’s changed for the worse
And it’s all his fault.

BLIND
Who’s at fault?

ROSALINDE
His fault? Could it be his fault?

EISENSTEIN
Yes, it is entirely his fault!

ROSALINDE
The notary?

BLIND
That’s not true.

EISENSTEIN
You’ll soon see.

ROSALINDE
What’s happened? Explain yourself.

EISENSTEIN
So listen to me!

BLIND
No, first I will defend myself!

EISENSTEIN
Save yourself the trouble,
Such a thing is not to be defended!

BLIND
It seems to me you want to insult me!

ROSALINDE
Calm down, blood! Why the fury?

EISENSTEIN
This notary babbles like a fool.

BLIND
Herr Eisenstein started to shout.

EISENSTEIN
You’re stuttering with every word!

BLIND
You keep on scolding!

EISENSTEIN
You’re crowing like a rooster!

BLIND
You’re a boor!

EISENSTEIN
You’re an idiot!

BLIND
You are quite inhuman!
You rant as in a fever frenzy
And gobble like a turkey-cock!

EISENSTEIN
You’re spouting cod liver oil
And spinning like a weathercock.

ROSALINDE
Save your voice,
Be done with all this.
It would be best if you went out
Or this will become a scandal.

EISENSTEIN
Yes, she is right, go out
Or this will become a scandal!
Yes, go, there is the door,
Out! Out!

BLIND
No, this tone can’t be tolerated!
I’m going out!
I’m just leaving this house!

ROSALINDE
It is best you go out!
It would be best if you went out!
Out! Out!

Tom Waits on Commerce

Tom Waits performing "Step Right Up" in 1977.  Mostly accurate lyrics/translation available here.   ["You got it buddy: the large print giveth and the small print taketh away..."]

Enjoy!

[Meredith R. Miller]

Bart and Lisa Simpson on Sales

In the seventh season of The Simpsons, Bart expresses some skepticism about the notion of a soul, then proceeds to sell his soul (in writing) to Millhouse for $5.00.  Of course, Lisa advised Bart that he would regret it, but Bart didn’t listen:

Lisa: For five dollars, Milhouse could own you for a zillion years.
Bart: If you think he got such a great deal, I'll sell you my conscience for four-fifty. (Lisa walks away) I'll throw in my sense of decency too! It's the Bart Sales Event. Everything about me must go!

After the sale, the family dog (Santa’s Little Helper) will longer play with Bart, automatic doors no longer open for him, and Itchy and Scratchy cartoons cease to be funny.  When Bart tries to buy his soul back from Millhouse, Millhouse has already “kinda traded” Bart’s soul at the comic book store for Alf pogs. Of course, in the end, Lisa buys back Bart’s soul for him:

Bart: You bought my soul back?
Lisa: With the spare change in my piggy bank.
Bart: You don't have any spare change in your piggy bank.
Lisa: Not in any of the ones you know of.

[Meredith R. Miller]

Music Clips: Rock and Roll Contracts

Wrapped up in a rock 'n' roll contract
Lots of paper I had to sign lots of times
Man told me not to worry 'bout the business
Just keep on poppin' those hits
                    Badfinger, Rock 'N' Roll Contract
                    Album: Say No More (1981)

Badfinger founder Peter Ham committed suicide in 1975, blaming contractual disputes with his manager.

[Frank Snyder]

Quotes: Let's Hope This Isn't True

In sum, a more carefully and fully tested piece of legislation has never been presented in these United States.

Karl Llewellyn, on the proposed Uniform Commercial Code

Perhaps It Was Delivered by Pickfords

Some may not realize that Sir Edward Hall Alderson, the author of Hadley v. Baxendale (the case of the shaft that got delayed in transit) grew up in the world of Jane Austen, not Charles Dickens.  He was, in fact, a contemporary of many of Austen's heroes, including Edmund Bertram of Mansfield Park (left).  He may have shared Austen's view of the likelihood of packages going astray:

“Mr. Bertram,” said [Miss Crawford], “I have tidings of my harp at last.  I am assured that it is safe at Northampton; and there it has probably been these ten days, in spite of the solemn assurances we have so often received to the contrary.”  Edmund expressed his pleasure and surprise.  “The truth is, that our inquiries were too direct; we sent a servant, we went ourselves; this will not do seventy miles from London -- but this morning we heard of it in the right way.  It was seen by some farmer, and he told the miller, and the miller told the butcher, and the butcher’s son-in-law left word at the shop.”

Ultimately, Henry Crawford must send his coach to Northampton to pick up the harp there.

[Frank Snyder]

Quotes: Predicting Student Success

     Parenthesis:  For generations we've used the oracular reading of oxen guts to predict our students’ careers, or lack thereof.
     Hercules: Eeeyugh! Couldn't you use some sort of aptitude test instead?
     Parenthesis: We tried that. The oxen guts were more accurate by 72 percent.

                      From: Hercules (TV Series)

When you have Mama, who needs a warranty?

Hush, little baby, don't say a word.
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring

And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass

And if that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat

And if that billy goat won't pull,
Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull

And if that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's going to buy you a dog named Rover.

And if that dog named Rover won't bark,
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart.

And if that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

[Miriam Cherry]

Quotes: Patent Ambiguity

"No, Jimmy, I distinctly said that you can halve your allowance if you mow the lawn.  That's why we ask for things in writing."

                         -- from a cartoon by Jay Love

Shows We All Remember

From Network (1976):

     Barbara: These are those four outlines submitted by Universal for an hour series. You needn't bother to read them; I'll tell them to you.  The first one is set at a large Eastern law school, presumably Harvard. The series is irresistibly entitled "The New Lawyers." The running characters are a crusty-but-benign ex-Supreme Court justice, presumably Oliver Wendell Holmes by way of Dr. Zorba; there's a beautiful girl graduate student; and the local district attorney who is brilliant and sometimes cuts corners.  The second one is called "The Amazon Squad."  The running characters include a crusty-but-benign police lieutenant who's always getting heat from the commissioner; a hard-nosed, hard-drinking detective who thinks women belong in the kitchen; and the brilliant and beautiful young girl cop who's fighting the feminist battle on the force.  Up next is another one of those investigative reporter shows. A crusty-but-benign managing editor who's always gett--
     [Diana cuts her off]

[Frank Snyder]

Led Zeppelin on Marketing

7-Eleven
music by Jimmy Page & Robert Plant
lyrics by Mark Davis and Rob "Iceman" Izenberg

There's a lady who goes
To the store that won't close,
And she's shopping at 7-Eleven.

Down the aisle there she sees
Ding Dongs, beer, and Friskies
and a Snickers really satisfies her!

Oooh oooh oooh
Oooooooh, make my Slurpee!

Jim Croce on Economic Opportunity

Workin' at the Car Wash Blues
music & lyrics by Jim Croce (1973)

Well, I had just got out from the county prison,
Doin' ninety days for non-support.
Tried to find me an executive position,
But no matter how smooth I talked,
They wouldn't listen to the fact that I was a genius;
The man say, "We got all that we can use."
Now I got them steadily depressin', low down mind messin'
Working at the car wash blues.

Well, I should be sittin' in a air-conditioned office in a swivel chair,
Talkin' some trash to the secretaries,
Sayin', “Here, now mama, come on over here.”
Instead, I'm rubbin' these fenders with a rag,
And walkin' home in soggy old shoes
With them steadily depressin', low down mind messin'
Workin' at the car wash blues

You know a man of my ability,
He should be smokin' on a big cigar.
But till I get myself straight, I guess I'll just have to wait
In my rubber suit a-rubbin' these cars.

Well, all I can do is a shake my head.
You might not believe that it's true.
For workin' at this indoor Niagara Falls
Is an undiscovered Howard Hughes.
So baby, don't expect to see me
With no double martini in any high-brow society news,
Cause I got them steadily depressin', low down mind messin'
Workin' at the car wash blues.

Today in History: Sixteen Tons

Fifty years ago today, on February 19, 1955, "Tennessee" Ernie Ford’s Sixteen Tons, in only its third week on the Cashbox charts, hit number two, making it the fastest-rising single in the country.

I was born one morning when the sun didn’t shine
I picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine
I loaded Sixteen Tons of Number Nine coal
And the straw boss said, “Well, bless my soul!”

You load Sixteen Tons, and what do you get?
Another day older, and deeper in debt.
St. Peter, don’t you call me, ‘cause I can’t go -
I owe my soul to the company store

One of the interesting things about the song, with its folk-song sound and hardscrabble lyrics, is that it originated in a Capitol Records talent scout's deadline pressure to get out an album quickly:

Cliffie Stone, then an assistant producer and talent scout for Capitol Records, called Merle Travis (a Capitol hitmaker at that time) about recording a 78 rpm album (four discs in a binder) of folk songs.  Capitol, seeing the success of a Burl Ives album,  wanted their own folk music album. Merle told Cliffie he figured, "Ives has sung every folk song." Stone suggested Travis write some new songs that sounded folky, and to do so quickly; the first four-song session was scheduled for the next day. Travis recalled the traditional Nine Pound Hammer and wrote three songs that night about life in Muhlenberg County, Kentucky's coal mines, where his father worked. One was Dark As A Dungeon, the other, Sixteen Tons.

[Frank Snyder]

John Glenn on Contract Bids

This story from anecdotage.com:

John Glenn, the first American astronaut in space, was once asked to describe his (presumably profound) thoughts just before taking off into space. "I looked around me and suddenly realized," Glenn replied, "that everything had been built by the lowest bidder!"

[Meredith R. Miller]

Aquinas on Changing Laws

But, to a certain extent, the mere change of law is of itself prejudicial to the common good: because custom avails much for the observance of laws, seeing that what is done contrary to general custom, even in slight matters, is looked upon as grave. Consequently, when a law is changed, the binding power of the law is diminished, in so far as custom is abolished.  Wherefore human law should never be changed, unless, in some way or other, the common weal be compensated according to the extent of the harm done in this respect.

           St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica (Benziger Bros. edition, 1947)
           First part of the second part, question 97, article 2

Dame Evans on Long Term Contracts

From anecdotage.com:

One day the Reverend Billy Graham was introduced to Dame Edith Evans. "We in the ministry could learn a good deal from you," he declared, "about how to put our message across." "You in the ministry have an advantage over us," Evans replied. How so? "You have long-term contracts."

[Meredith R. Miller]

Kanye West on Prenuptial Agreements

Hip-hop superstar Kanye West’s song “Gold Digger” has recently dominated the Billboard charts, and he was a musical guest on Saturday Night Live’s season premier last night. He has been described as “outspoken” and “controversial” after his critical comments about President Bush’s “response” to Hurricane Katrina. Whether or not you agree with his Katrina comments, his recent hit song is candid on another topic nearer to this blog: contract law. The song counsels on the importance of a Prenuptial Agreement:

18 years, 18 years
She got one of yo kids got you for 18 years
I know somebody payin child support for one of his kids
His baby momma's car and crib is bigger than his
You will see him on TV Any Given Sunday
Win the Superbowl and drive off in a Hyundai
She was spose to buy ya shorty TYCO with ya money
She went to the doctor got lypo with ya money
She walkin around lookin like Micheal with ya money
Should of got that insured GEICO for ya moneeey
If you aint no punk holla We Want Prenup
WE WANT PRENUP!, Yeaah
It's something that you need to have
Cause when she leave yo ass she gone leave with half
18 years, 18 years
And on her 18th birthday he found out it wasn't his

From “Gold Digger” off of the Late Registration album (Roc-A-Fella/Def Jam 2005) [NOTE: surrounding “EXPLICIT LYRICS” omitted (as defined and determined by RIAA's parently advisory labeling system)].

[Meredith R. Miller]

Monty Python on Substantial Performance

From the "Last Supper" sketch.  Michelangelo is played by Eric Idle; the Pope is played by John Cleese.

Michelangelo: Good evening, your Holiness.

Pope: Evening, Michelangelo. I want to have a word with you about this painting of yours, "The Last Supper."

Michelangelo: Oh, yeah?

Pope: I'm not happy about it.

Michelangelo: Oh, dear. It took me hours.

Pope: Not happy at all.

Michelangelo: Is it the jello you don't like?

Pope: No.

Michelangelo: Ah, no, I know, they do have a bit of colour, don't they? Oh, I know, you don't like the kangaroo?

Pope: What kangaroo?

Michelangelo: No problem, I'll paint him out.

Pope: I never saw a kangaroo!

Michelangelo: Uuh...he's right in the back. I'll paint him out! No sweat, I'll make him into a disciple.

Pope: Aah.

Michelangelo: All right?

Pope: That's the problem.

Michelangelo: What is?

Pope: The disciples.

Michelangelo: Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish.

Pope: No, it's just that there are twenty-eight of them.

Michelangelo: Oh, well, another one will never matter, I'll make the kangaroo into another one.

Pope: No, that's not the point.

Michelangelo: All right. Well, I'll lose the kangaroo. Be honest, I wasn't perfectly happy with it.

Pope: That's not the point. There are twenty-eight disciples!

Michelangelo: Too many?

Pope: Well, of course it's too many!

Michelangelo: Yeah, I know that, but I wanted to give the impression of a real last supper. You know, not just any old last supper. Not like a last meal or a final snack. But you know, I wanted to give the impression of a real mother of a blow-out, you know?

Pope: There were only twelve disciples at the last supper.

Michelangelo: Well, maybe some of the others ones came along after...
Pope: There were only twelve altogether.
Michelangelo: Well, maybe some of their friends came by, you know?
Pope: Look! There were just twelve disciples and our Lord at the last supper. The Bible clearly says so.
Michelangelo: No friends?
Pope: No friends.
Michelangelo: Waiters?

Pope: No.

Michelangelo: Cabaret?

Pope: No!

Michelangelo: You see, I like them, they help to flesh out the scene, I could lose a few, you know I could...

Pope: Look! There were only twelve disciples at...

Michelangelo: I've got it! I've got it! We'll call it "The Last But One Supper"!

Pope: What?

Michelangelo: Well there must have been one, if there was a last supper there must have been a one before that, so this, is the "Penultimate Supper"! The Bible doesn't say how many people were there now, does it?

Pope: No, but...

Michelangelo: Well there you are, then!

Pope: Look! The last supper is a significant event in the life of our Lord, the penultimate supper was not! Even if they had a conjurer and a mariachi band. Now, a last supper I commissioned from you, and a last supper I want! With twelve disciples and one Christ!

Michelangelo: One?!

Pope: Yes one! Now will you please tell me what in God's name possessed you to paint this with three Christs in it?

Michelangelo: It works, mate!

Pope: Works?

Michelangelo: Yeah! It looks great! The fat one balances the two skinny ones.

Pope: There was only one Redeemer!

Michelangelo: Ah, I know that, we all know that, what about a bit of artistic license?

Pope: Well one Messiah is what I want!

Michelangelo: I'll tell you what you want, mate! You want a bloody photographer! That's you want. Not a bloody creative artist to crease you up...

Pope: I'll tell you what I want! I want a last supper with one Christ, twelve disciples, no kangaroos, no trampoline acts, by Thursday lunch, or you don't get paid!

Michelangelo: Bloody fascist!

Pope: Look! I'm the bloody pope, I am! May not know much about art, but I know what I like!

[Meredith R. Miller]

Exam Question of the Day

From:  Matt. 18:23-34:

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.  And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.  But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, “Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.”  Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, “Pay me that thou owest.”

And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, “Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.”  And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.

So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, “O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:  Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?”

And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.

You are contacted by the Wicked Servant, who claims that the release of his previous debt was valid.  The King has claimed that W.S. gave no consideration for the release, and therefore the debt is still owed.  Discuss.

[Frank Snyder]

Bob & Doug on international franchising

From:   Bob & Doug McKenzie, The Hoser, Aug. 2005:

Bob:  So anyway, we got some burritos and tacos [at Taco Bell] but we didn't order any drinks. We got those at the Beer Store.
Doug:  As usual.
Bob:  So here's some Mexican beer.  [Looks at bottle, reading.] "Cerveza."
Doug:  Who's he?
Bob:  Huh?  He who?
Doug:  Sir Veza.
Bob:  What the?  -- No, look!  [Hands Doug the bottle and points.]  "Cerveza."
Doug:  Oh, what's that mean?
Bob:  Beer, I think.
Doug:  Ah, so when we're in Mexico we can order some.
Bob:  Do they have Beer Stores there?
Doug:  No, I think they sell it at Taco Bell.
Bob:  Taco Bell?!
Doug:  Yeah!
Bob:  In Mexico?
Doug:  Yeah!
Bob Why?
Doug:  Well there's Kentucky Fried Chicken places in Kentucky, I don't see why they can't have a Taco Bell in Mexico.
Bob:  Beauty.

The Singing Brakeman on Railroads

If he hadn't died of tuberculosis at the age of 35, the first true country music star, James Charles "Jimmie" Rodgers, would be 108 today.  The "Singing Brakeman," born in Pine Springs, Mississippi, and raised in Meridian, got his nickname from his work on the railroads before disease made him turn to music.  Here's his ode to some of the great old railroads of his day.  (Images: Wikipedia)

                 Jimmie the Kid
              Words and music by
         Jimmie Rodgers & Bob Neville

I'll tell you a story of Jimmie the Kid.
He's a brakeman, you all know.
He was born in Mississippi, away down south,
And he flagged on the T. & N.O.

He yodeled to fame on the Boston Maine,
The Wabash, and the T.P.
From the old Grand Trunk to the Cotton Belt,
He yodeled on the Santa Fe.

On the Lehigh Valley, he yodeled awhile,
Then he went to the Nickel Plate.
From the old Lake Shore and the Erie Line,
He yodeled to a Cadillac Eight.

He yodeled his way to the C. & A.
The Lackawanna and I.C.
He rode a rattler called the Cannon Ball
Then he yodeled on the M.K. & T.

[Click on "continue reading" for the key to the railroads mentioned.]

T& N.O.:  Texas & New Orleans
Boston Maine:  Boston & Maine
Wabash:  Wabash Railroad
T.P.:  Texas & Pacific
Grand Trunk:  Grand Trunk Railway
Cotton Belt:  Cotton Belt Line
Santa Fe:  Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe
Lehigh Valley:  Lehigh Valley Railroad
Nickel Plate:  New York, Chicago & St. Louis
Lake Shore:  Lake Shore & Michigan Southern
Erie Line:  Erie Railroad
C. &. A.:  Chicago & Alton
Lackawanna:  Delaware, Lackawanna & Western
I.C.:  Illinois Central
M.K. & T.:  Missouri, Kansas & Texas (also called the “Katy”)

The "Cadillac Eight" was a popular touring sedan during the Depression.  (Image: Wikipedia)

[Frank Snyder]

Spinal Tap on Record Labels, part II

From Spinal Tap: The Guitar World Interview (April 1992):

     GW:  How would you describe the relationship you had with your former label, Polymer?
     ST. HUBBINS:  We have not had good luck with labels. We were on Megaphone for years and years, but they've gone under.  What we're really trying to do now is get hold of our back catalog.  And Polymer's legal position is that not only can't we have our back catalog, no one should have it.
     SMALLS:  There's been a lot of publicity about MCA and Polygram [Polymer's parent label] having this lawsuit, and the story is that it's about the rights to Motown, but that's a front, a smokescreen.  The real story is all about our back catalog. They couldn't care less about Motown.

Spinal Tap on record labels, part 1

From: Spinal Tap: The Guitar World Interview (April 1992):

     GUITAR WORLD:  Where's Ian Faith, your manager?
     ALL:  Dead.
     NIGEL TUFNEL:  Yes, Ian died.
     GW:  How did he die?
     DAVID ST. HUBBINS:  Who cares?
     TUFNEL:  You get news like that and you go, "I'm not even going to ask how."
     ST. HUBBINS:  He was always prone to apoplexy, because he had very thin English skin and very thick alcoholic blood.
     TUFNEL: He was prone to apoplexy and  . . . what do they call it?  Embezzlement.
     DEREK SMALLS:  He took everything personally -- including our royalties.
           . . .
     SMALLS: We have a custom label, a subsidiary of MCA, named in tribute to him --
     ST. HUBBINS:  -- but mainly because it's a great name.
     SMALLS: It's called Dead Faith Records.
     ST. HUBBINS: Dead Faith Records, Tapes & CDs --
     SMALLS: And Any Other Form Of Recorded Entertainment There May Be In The Known Universe.  That's the legal name.

[Frank Snyder]

Quotes: Rob Roy on Insurance

From Rob Roy, by Sir Walter Scott:

     “This is a very singular contract of assurance,” said Mr. Owen.
     “It’s clean again our statute law, that must be owned,” said [Bailie] Jarvie, “clean again law; the levying and the paying black-mail are baith punishable: but if the law canna protect my barn and byre, whatfor suld I no engage wi’ a Hieland gentleman that can?--answer me that.”
     “But,” said I, “Mr. Jarvie, is this contract of black-mail, as you call it, completely voluntary on the part of the landlord or farmer who pays the insurance? or what usually happens, in case any one refuses payment of this tribute?”
     “Aha, lad!” said the Bailie, laughing, and putting his finger to his nose, “ye think ye hae me there.  Troth, I wad advise ony friends o’ mine to gree wi’ Rob; for, watch as they like, and do what they like, they are sair apt to be harried [i.e., plundered] when the lang nights come on.  Some o’ the Grahame and Cohoon gentry stood out; but what then?--they lost their haill [whole] stock the first winter; sae maist folks now think it best to come into Rob’s terms. He’s easy wi’ a’ body that will be easy wi’ him; but if ye thraw him, ye had better thraw the deevil.”

[Frank Snyder]

The Simpsons on Contract Law

Homer Simpson runs out of donuts at work, so he sells his soul to the devil in exchange for a donut.  (The devil is played by Homer's do-good neighbor, Ned Flanders).  At trial, Lionel Hutz, the Simpsons’ attorney, attempts to undermine the devil's testimony regarding the enforceability of Homer's contract to sell his soul for a donut:

Devil Flanders: I simply ask for what is mine.

Lionel Hutz: That was a right-pretty speech, sir.  But I ask you, what is a contract?  Webster's defines it as "an agreement under the law which is unbreakable."  What is unbreakable?  Excuse me, I must use the restroom.

From the Treehouse of Horrors IV episode, the Homer and the Devil sequence (first aired Halloween 1993).

[Meredith R. Miller]

Tom Waits on Contract Law

From the song Step Right Up:

You got it buddy: the large print giveth
and the small print taketh away

Off of Small Change (1976 Asylum Records).

[Meredith R. Miller]

Quotable

From Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary:

TARIFF, n.  A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

Lunar v. Terrestrial constitutional law

Today is the birthday of Ambrose Bierce.  Here's a bit from his Devil’s Dictionary (1911):

     LUNARIAN:  But this system of maintaining an expensive judicial machinery to pass upon the validity of laws only after they have long been executed, and then only when brought before the court by some private person -- does it not cause great confusion?
     TERRESTRIAN:  It does.
     LUNARIAN:  Why then should not your laws, previously to being executed, be validated, not by the signature of your President, but by that of the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court?
     TERRESTRIAN:  There is no precedent for any such course.
     LUNARIAN:  Precedent.  What is that?
     TERRESTRIAN:  It has been defined by five hundred lawyers in three volumes each.  So how can any one know?

No, there's no housing bubble

From this week's issue of Fortune, thirty-something investor Debbie Smith, whose entire net worth is tied up in 20 real estate properties, all highly leveraged and with borrowed down payments, on market risk:

"It's a risk, but I really feel like it's a lot less risky than the stock market.  Even if it does crash, it's not like it's worth nothing--like a stock, where the value can go all the way to zero."

Quotes: Kathy Ireland on Money and Art

"Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take."

        Kathy Ireland
        star of Alien from L.A., Danger Island,
        and Miami Hustle

Quotes: Kathy Ireland on money and art

"Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take."

                Kathy Ireland, star of Alien From L.A. and Danger Island

Quotes: Sherlock Holmes on multiple choice exams

"Whenever you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

             Sherlock Holmes
             The Sign of Four

Quotes: Supermodel economics

"I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day."

        Linda Evangelista

Quote of the day

He who sells
What isn’t his’n,
Must buy it back
Or go to prison.

               Daniel Drew (1797-1879)

(Drew himself proved the force of his dictum when he lost $500,000 to Cornelius Vanderbilt selling shares he didn't own in the New York & Harlem Railroad.)

Bob Dylan on merchantability

Well, Mack the Finger said to Louie the King,
"I got forty red white and blue shoestrings,
And a thousand telephones that don’t ring.
Do you know where I can possibly get rid of these things?"
And Louie the King said "Let me think for a minute son."
Then he said "Yes I think it can be easily done—
Just take everything down to Highway 61."

                Bob Dylan, Highway 61 Revisted
                Album:  Before the Flood

Law books

From Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning 83-84 (1999):

There are many, many types of books in the world, which makes good sense, because there are many, many types of people, and everybody wants to read something different. . . .  But one type of book that practically no one likes to read is a book about the law.  Books about the law are notorious for being very long, very dull, and very difficult to read.  This is one reason many lawyers make heaps of money.  The money is an incentive—the word "incentive" here means "an offered reward to persuade you to do something you don't want to do"—to read long, dull, and difficult books.

Cardozo in context

David Gruning (Loyola-New Orleans) points out in a Comment that yesterday's quote from Judge Cardozo was taken somewhat out of context.   He notes that the quoted sentence precedes the following:

A definition of law which in effect denies the possibility of law since it denies the possibility of rules of general operation must contain within itself the seeds of fallacy and error.  Analysis is useless if it destroys what it is intended to explain.  Law and obedience to law are facts confirmed every day to us all in our experience of life.  If the result of a definition is to make them seem to be illusions, so much the worse for the definition; we must enlarge it till it is broad enough to answer to realities."  Nature of the Judicial Process, p 126-27.

Legal Cliche of the Day

"Law never is, but is always about to be."

          Benjamin Nathan Cardozo
          The Nature of the Judicial Process

[Ed. note:  If this were true, and known to be true, how could you ever decide anything?]