Radio Clips: Groucho on Alternative Defenses

     Waldorf T. Flywheel: Any mail this morning?
    Miss Dimple:  Yes, there's a letter from the typewriter company. They say you haven't paid for the typewriter yet.
    Flywheel:  Why should I pay for the typewriter? You're the only who uses it.
    Dimple:  But Mr. Flywheel, I --
    Flywheel:  Never mind, take a letter to those cheap chiselers. Ah . . . Gentlemen . . . I never ordered that typewriter . . . If I did, you didn't send it . . . If you sent it, I never got it . . . If I got it, I paid for it . . . And if I didn't, I won't. Best regards.

                 "Flywheel Shyster & Flywheel"
                 Esso Five Star Theater, Feb. 13, 1933