ContractsProf Blog

Editor: Myanna Dellinger
University of South Dakota School of Law

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Properly addressing judges

Welcher Courtroom decorum is always important and judges can be touchy.  An Australian law firm, Welcher & Welcher ("Pretty good for the price"®), weighs in with good advice on the proper way to address a judge:

Addressing a judge is very much like addressing an envelope.  First, hold the judge down flat on the table (he'll probably be squirming a bit, so you might need help from a big-armed friend) and write the address on him legibly in ink.  Remember to blot him and also write your return address on his rear.  Affix a stamp on his top right corner; probably over his eye which is conveniently pre-moistened and then drop him into a nearby pillar box.  Some judges are quite fat so you might need your big-armed friend to help you again. Alternatively I would recommend some sort of miniaturisation ray.

The firm offers a handy troubleshooting guide if problems develop.

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