Sunday, November 14, 2004
Courtroom decorum is always important and judges can be touchy. An Australian law firm, Welcher & Welcher ("Pretty good for the price"®), weighs in with good advice on the proper way to address a judge:
Addressing a judge is very much like addressing an envelope. First, hold the judge down flat on the table (he'll probably be squirming a bit, so you might need help from a big-armed friend) and write the address on him legibly in ink. Remember to blot him and also write your return address on his rear. Affix a stamp on his top right corner; probably over his eye which is conveniently pre-moistened and then drop him into a nearby pillar box. Some judges are quite fat so you might need your big-armed friend to help you again. Alternatively I would recommend some sort of miniaturisation ray.
The firm offers a handy troubleshooting guide if problems develop.