Friday, October 5, 2007

God's Answer

We posted here about Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers' lawsuit against God for, inter alia, "terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons."  The Douglas County District Court in Nebraska was kind enough to send us the record in this case.  After reviewing the pleadings, I've learned that God is represented by at least five different attorneys, each of whom filed a separate answer on God's behalf.  The five attorneys have different views of their Client's nature.  One attorney believes his Client is a vengeful god, as demonstrated by the answer he filed to Sen. Chambers' "terroristic threats" claim.

"God does not issue terroristic threats, but He will visit an appropriate punishment upon the blasphemous Complainant by seeing that he is removed from office next year." 

The first answer filed on God's behalf reflects a more loving God. 

Defendant admits that he knows Plaintiff; that He created Plaintiff; and that He is not dissappointed in Plaintiff . . . [and] while Defendant is always saddened by the pain His children endure, He reminds the Court that their ability to endure is what made and continues to make humankind great.  Life struggled forth from the primordial ooze, and it struggles forth to this day.  It would be unfair to state how or why, but the greatest years of humankind still lie in the future.

As regular readers of the blog know, God contacted me about representing him in this case, but things fell apart after I quoted my fee.  Based on that brief contact, I can't say for sure which of God's five lawyers knows their Client best.  I can say that "life-long self-indulgence without fear or risk of eternal damnation" was more than He was willing to pay for representation in this matter.--Counseller

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