September 19, 2008
Form For Bailout Requests from the Fed
To: Hank Paulsen, Secretary of the Treasury
From: [Fill in name of your company here]
Date: [Before Nov. 4, 2008]
1) Our company [...] needs an immediate cash infusion due to matters beyond our control. Despite our fine employee, excellent managment, and wonderful [products or service], we cannot borrow enough money to keep operations going. With a cash infusion we can survive the current economic credit crisis and continue to employ proudly [number] American workers.
2) If we do not get an immediate cash infusion we will have to declare bankruptcy by [day after "Date" inserted above]. If we declare bankruptcy, we will have to default on obligations to other American banks, International banks, and several foreign governments who all hold our debt.
3) Our default will put several banks in jeopardy of not meeting their capital requirements. In short, due to the interconnected nature of the global economy, our default will create capital market chaos. Banks will fail; people will lose their homes; people will lose their jobs; people will lose the value in their pension plans.
4) With our bankruptcy, unemployment rates will increase, the GDP will decrease, and the stock market will fall. Senator Obama will decry your administration for its "failed policies"; argue that McCain only offers a continuation of the "failed policies" of your administration; and will win the election.
5) You will look bad. Financial historians from the Ivy League will write about you "asleep at the switch" and embarrass your grandchildren.
6) So please help us help you by loaning us [number] billion dollars. We promise to pay it back; you have our word on it.
With You in Saving America,
[CEO, Company Name]
September 19, 2008 | Permalink
TrackBack URL for this entry:
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Form For Bailout Requests from the Fed:
Isn't that the truth! How come I don't think they will loan me any money though?
Posted by: John | Sep 19, 2008 1:13:53 PM